11/24/2010...IT'S THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING AND IT'S YOUR SECOND ONE THAT YOU'VE MISSED. ALL OF LAST YEAR WAS A BLURR! YOUR DADDY CAN TELL ME SOMETHING AND BE WAITING FOR A REPLY AND I'M LIKE ???? DON'T REMEMBER!

     I COOKED LAST YEAR AND TOOK FOOD TO THE FIRE STATIONS. HAD THANKSGIVING WITH SEAN AND HIS WORK CREW THERE AND EVERYONE SHOWED UP TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM-THERE. IT WASN'T THAT BAD. AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER - THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS!

     THIS YEAR...I'M COOKING AGAIN. YOUR COUSIN KRISSY IS COMING AND BRINGING HER HUSBAND. HOPE EVERYTHING GOES OK.

     IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME ANY MORE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE - BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS: WE HAVE ALL OUR MEMORIES OF THE TIMES THAT WE DID GET TO SPEND TOGETHER, ALL THE MEMORIES FROM YEARS PAST, EVERY DAY FROM THE DAY YOU WERE BORN! 

     WE'LL HOLD ON TO ALL OF THOSE AND YOUR ''THINGS'' / ''BELONGINGS''...I CAN'T FIND IT INSIDE OF ME TO GIVE OR DONATE ANY OF YOUR PERSONAL ITEMS. I'LL HOLD ON TO 'EM FOR AS LONG AS I CAN.

     ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/FATHER WHO HAS LOST WILL UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING. 

     SURE WISH YOU WOULD COME AND VISIT ME. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING.

     MISS YOU EACH & EVERY DAY

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA 

11/16/2010...AS I WORK ON YOUR WEBSITE, I CAN'T HELP BUT CRY.  IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY.  I'VE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE THE GRAPHICS, ADD THE PICTURES AND DO A FEW OTHER LITTLE THINGS...ALL THE WHILE - I'M THINKING THAT I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING TO DO THIS. 

     A CO-WORKER TOLD ME THAT SHE AND HER HUSBAND STOPPED BY TO SEE YOUR NEW MEMORIAL MARKER AND IT'S SOOOOO  PRETTY...THAT THEY DONE A GOOD JOB WHEN THEY MADE IT. 

     IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AS IT ALWAYS DOES...SHE SAID THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING BEFORE I LEFT OUT FOR MY ROUTE.  SHE DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET ME.  HOW LITTLE SHE KNOWS THAT I CRY EVERYDAY - STILL.

     IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE I'M AT.  I CAN STILL BE INSIDE CASING UP THE MAIL AND I'LL HANDLE A PIECE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.  I CAN BE HEADING OUT FOR THE ROUTE AND BE THINKING...AND THE TEARS JUST START.  SO, IT DOESN'T MATTER.  IT'S NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.  I KNOW THAT. 

     ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT YOU'RE MISSING YOUR NEW LITTLE NIECE AND IT'S NOT FAIR.  I DON'T RECALL YOU DOING ANYTHING SO BAD IN LIFE THAT GOD HAD TO TAKE YOU AT THE AGE OF 24.  LEAVING SO MANY OTHER BAD PEOPLE OUT IN THE WORLD FOR THE REST OF US TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH....IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!

     IT'S GOING ON 23 MONTHS WITHOUT YOU HERE.  THERE ARE TIMES TO WHERE IT FEELS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY THAT YOU WERE HERE...GETTING UP AND GETTING READY TO GO TO WORK. 

     I'VE NOT WASHED YOUR LAST TOWEL OR WASH RAG THAT YOU USED.  I'VE NOT WASHED YOUR BED COVERS, SHEETS OR PILLOWCASES. 

YOUR THINGS ARE STILL IN THE SHOWER...ON THE SHELF AND IN THEIR PLACE.  I DON'T KNOW WHEN...IF EVER....I'LL BE ABLE TO PUT YOUR THINGS AWAY.  (THOUGH YOUR DADDY DID HAVE TO USE YOUR DEODORANT)...HE RAN OUT.

     I'VE FINALLY CAME UP WITH AN IDEA OF WHAT TO DO WITH A FEW OF YOUR SHIRTS...I JUST HOPE THAT IT DOESN'T COST ME AN ARM & A LEG TO GET IT DONE.  WE'LL SEE.  I'LL SAVE UP IF I HAVE TO.  THEN, I'LL GO FROM THERE.

     I SURE WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO COME AND PAY ME A VISIT.  TO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING.  I WOULD LIKE TO SEE - FOR MYSELF -  HOW YOU ARE DOING.  I'M AFRAID THAT I'M GOING TO FORGET WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE OR THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.  WE STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN A RECORDING WITH YOUR VOICE ON IT YET.    HOW WE MISS THAT.  I MISS YOU CALLING OR SENDING A BIRTHDAY WISH OR THE FUNNY LITTLE TEXT ABOUT THE CAT IN THE ROAD...

     MISS YOU EACH & EVERY DAY ~

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA

JUST IN CASE ANYONE MAY WANT TO SEE & READ WHAT TYLER HAS DONE IN MEMORY OF JARRETT.....CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW.

THE LINK BELOW IS THE STORY ABOUT TYLER (WHOM JARRETT HELPED BABYSIT & RAISE) RACING DIRTBIKES TO HONOR JARRETT.

http://community2.timesfreepress.com/news/2010/sep/22/boy-races-keep-firefighters-memory-alive/

10/29/2010...IT'S BEEN 22 MONTHS SINCE YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL.  IT'S STILL HARD TO BELIEVE. 

     YOUR MEMORIAL CEREMONY IN FT.OGLETHORPE WAS HELD TODAY. WE LET TYLER BE THE ONE TO LIFT THE VAIL FOR ALL TO SEE YOUR STONE MARKER WITH YOUR NAME AND SERVICE TIME. 

WHAT WE WOULDN'T GIVE TO HAVE YOU BACK HERE WITH US AND STILL SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY. 

     NO AMOUNT OF TIME WILL TAKE THE PAIN AWAY. THOUGH IT WAS SAID THAT TIME WILL LIGHTEN THE PAIN. 

     I SURE WISH YOU WOULD COME TO VISIT SO I COULD HOW YOU ARE DOING.  I NEED TO SEE YOU. 

     MISS YOU AND WISH YOU WERE HERE!

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA

9/28/2010...WELL, TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY ~ IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY NOW.  IT DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME FEEL TO IT AS IT ONCE DID.  DOESN'T MATTER HOW HARD I TRY...IT'S STILL NOT THE SAME.  I CAN MAKE A WISH ~ IT WILL STILL HAVE THE SAME RESULTS...YOU'RE NOT HERE. 

     MISS YOU MORE THAN ANY AMOUNT OF WORDS THAT I CAN WRITE.  

     LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA

9/8/2010...YOUR DIPSY JUST PASSED AWAY.  I THINK HE LITERALLY HAD A HEART ATTACK.  I HEARD CATS FIGHTING AND GOT UP AND SEEN SNUGGLE LOOKING OUT THE PORCH RAILINGS AND HEARD 'EM GRAWLING...STILL.  WENT OUT THERE AND SEEN DIPSY ON THE DRIVEWAY BETWEEN THE TWO CARS WITH HIS TAIL ALL POOFED OUT.  HIM & ROCKY JUST DIDN'T GET ALONG.  I SEEN ROCKY GO UNDER THE CAR.......

     BE SURE TO GET HIM, GREY & SPENCER TOGETHER.  I WAS JUST HOLDING HIM IN THE SWING AND TELLING HIM THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE HIM FIXED...I GUESS THAT GOES TO SHOW THAT THEY TOO WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF BEING NEUTERED.

     LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA

YOUR 2ND LABOR DAY IN HEAVEN~STILL MISSING YOU & WISHING YOU WERE HERE! LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA

(9/6/2010)

9/5/2010...AS I VISIT OTHER SITES AND READ ALL ABOUT THEIR LOVED ONE, THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS & LEARN WHAT ALL EACH PERSON DID WHILE GROWING UP AND WHAT THEY MEANT TO THEIR FAMILIES...IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES - BECAUSE NOW, I'M IN THEIR PARENTS SHOES. 

     SOME OF THESE ANGELS WERE TAKEN AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE & OUR JARRETT GOT TO LIVE TO BE 24.  THOUGH THAT IS A YOUNG AGE TOO, BUT WHEN I READ THE STORIES OF THOSE WHO WERE ONLY 3,12,16,18,21,22 & EVEN JARRETT'S AGE OF 24...I'M AT LEAST THANKFUL THAT WE HAD JARRETT FOR THAT MANY YEARS AND YET I CRY FOR THOSE PARENTS WHO DIDN'T HAVE AS MANY AS WE DID.  IT SEEMS SO UNFAIR AND IT ISN'T SUPPOSE TO BE THIS WAY.  

     THAT'S WHERE THE ''WHY'' COMES IN.  WE WANT TO HAVE AN ANSWER SO WE CAN UNDERSTAND ''WHY OUR CHILD''?  WITH EACH PASSING DAY, WE MISS THEM MORE AND YET IT'S ONE DAY CLOSER FOR US BEING WITH 'EM. 

     WE STILL CRY, THOUGH NO ONE MAY SEE IT ~ BUT WE DO.  WE HAVE GOTTEN TO WHERE WE CAN SMILE AND LAUGH, THOUGH IT TOO ISN'T THE SAME SMILE & LAUGH. 

     OUR FAMILY ISN'T ''WHOLE'' AS IT ONCE WAS AND IT NEVER WILL BE.  NO ONES FAMILY THAT HAS LOST A CHILD IS WHOLE ANYMORE AND NEVER WILL BE. 

     JUST DON'T FORGET THE PERSON.  DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY THEIR NAME.  DON'T BE AFRAID THAT IT WILL UPSET US OR MAKE US CRY...IT'S NOT THAT ALL ~ WE LOVE HEARING THEIR NAME & IT PUTS A SMILE NOT ONLY ON OUR FACE, BUT IN OUR HEART...THAT IS WHERE OUR LOVED ONE IS NOW...FOREVER & ALWAYS IN OUR HEART!

     MISSING YOU ~ EACH & EVERY DAY!

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA

9/2/2010...YOUR TYLER HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH A NEWSPAPER REPORTER TODAY.  HE WANTED TO DO THE STORY OF A BOY...WHO IS INTO DIRTBIKE RACING AND IS HONORING HIS BEST BUDDY BY HAVING HIS FIRE STATION NUMBERS ON HIS DIRTBIKE AS HIS NUMBER TO RECOGNIZE HIM BY.

THE REPORTER WANTS TO PUT IT ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPER IF THERE ISN'T A BIG MAJOR HEADLINER INSTEAD.  HE WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS AT FIRST ~ BUT DONE A REAL GOOD JOB. 

HE LOVES YOU & REMEMBERS YOU FOR WHAT ALL YOU DID FOR HIM AND HIS MOM.  WHAT ALL YOU HELPED HIM WITH.  TAKING HIM PLACES AND BEING IN HIS LIFE.  TAKING CARE OF HIM AND BEING THAT FATHER FIGURE WHEN IT COUNTED THE MOST.  HE'S AS SHARP AS A TACK!  I THINK YOU LEFT A LASTING IMPRESSION ON HIM....

MISSING YOU MORE & MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY AND WISHING YOU WERE HERE!

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA

8/25/2010...IT'S NOW BEEN 20 MONTHS SINCE YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL.  IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S BEEN THAT LONG ALREADY.  NOT SEEING YOUR FACE, YOUR BLUE EYES, YOUR EAR TO EAR SMILE.  NOT HEARING YOUR VOICE, NOT HAVING THE PHONE CALLS FROM YOU TO CHECK TO SEE ''WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?'' OR HAVE YOUR DADDY BRING YOU SOMETHING - HE REALLY MISSES THOSE.  NOT SEEING YOUR TRUCK GO UP THE HILL OR COME DOWN THE HILL.  NOT SEEING YOUR GEAR IN THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR.  IT'S STILL JUST SO HARD TO IMAGINE THAT LIFE HAS GONE ON AND YOU'RE NOT HERE TO LIVE ''IN'' IT WITH US - YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS. 

YOU'RE MISSING YOUR NEW LITTLE NIECE ~ SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!  YOU WOULD BE SOOOO PROUD TO BE HER UNCLE.  YOU WOULD PROBABLY SPOIL HER & TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE HER A TOM-BOY...BUT SHE'S WAY TO BEAUTIFUL FOR THAT!  SHE'S A NATURAL BEAUTY LIKE HER MOM.  SHE LOOKS LIKE YOUR BROTHER TOO.  WE LOVE HER & KNOW THAT YOU WOULD TOO.

YOU'RE MISSING YOUR TYLER & GAGE GROW UP AS WELL.  TYLER IS NOW IN THE 4TH GRADE.  HE'S INTO DIRTBIKE RACING AND HAS THE NUMBER 86 ON HIS SHIELD.  IT'S IN MEMORY OF YOU...YOUR STATION 8 THAT YOU STARTED AT & YOUR STATION 6 THAT YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL FROM.  HE MISSES YOU - MORE THAN WE ALL PROBABLY EVEN THINK THAT HE DOES.  EVEN THOUGH YOU ONLY GOT TO SEE GAGE 1 TIME...YOU OFFERED TO BABYSIT AND NICKI WOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU UP ON THAT. 

WE MISS YOU EACH & EVERY DAY.  WE THINK OF YOU 24/7 AND WISH THAT YOU WERE STILL HERE.

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA

8/20/2010...I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT THINGS ANYMORE...I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN STAND ALL THESE LITTLE MENTAL THINGS PASSING THROUGH MY HEAD.  I'VE BEEN SICK FOR 3 WEEKS NOW.  JUST NOW GETTING THE INTERNET SERVICE BACK UP.  SO MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGED WITH THAT TOO. 

     THERE ARE DAYS TO WHICH I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER ONE...BUT FOR SOME REASON - I'M STILL HERE.  WHY DON'T YOU VISIT??? IT'S GOING ON A YEAR NOW SINCE MY LAST DREAM TO WHERE I REALLY GOT TO SEE YOU, YOUR EAR TO EAR SMILE, YOUR BLUE EYES AND THEN YOU WINKED AND YOU WERE GONE.  WHY???

     IF GOD IS SUPPOSE TO BE SO GOOD - THEN WHY DOESN'T HE LET YOU ALL STAY LONGER IN OUR DREAMS?  SURELY HE CAN SEE THE PAIN THAT WE ARE IN AND WITH EVERY LITTLE DREAM THAT WE HAVE - WE WANT YOU TO STAY A LITTLE LONGER.  I'M JUST SO PISSED AND DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AND I WANT A DAMN ANSWER TO WHY YOU WERE TAKEN.  WHY GOD KILLED YOU?  I'VE GOT AN ASSHOLE FOR A NEIGHBOR WHO DRIVES WHILE DRUNK...WHY NOT TAKE THAT S.O.B.????  WHY YOU?  WHY SOMEONE WHO WAS DOING GOOD FOR HIS COMMUNITY? 

     THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE THINGS THAT PASS THROUGH MY HEAD EACH & EVERY DAY.  THE MENTAL STRESS OF THAT ALONG WITH NORMAL EVERYDAY STRESS - JUST DOESN'T HELP THE HEALTH ANY!!!

     I MISS YOU AND SO WISH THAT YOU WERE HERE...HERE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WERE JUST STARTING - WITH FIGURING OUT WHAT YOU WANTED FOR YOUR CAREER AND A GOOD/DECENT/CLEAN/ HONEST/ HAPPY/INTELLIGENT/CAREER ORIENTED/SPORTY/ YOUNG LADY AS A GIRLFRIEND.  IT TAKES A FEW YEARS FOR SOME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WANT IN LIFE AND WHEN THEY DO....GOD TAKES IT ALL AWAY BY TAKING THEIR LIFE.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. 

     MISS YOU EACH & EVERY DAY!!!!

     LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA

8/20/2010...(JUST NOW GETTING TO WORK ON YOUR WEBSITE)

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY SEAN~LOVE YOU... ALWAYS, MAMA

                                                 ~JULY 6TH, 2010~

I was thinking about you the other day and I suddenly became so afraid!!  I was so afraid I would forget those little things.  The way you smelled when I got a "Jarrett hug", heck... just how great a "Jarrett hug" felt when I saw you or something wasn't going quite right.  The wonderful memories we had.  The way your voice sounds.  Your mannerisms.  All those wonderful things that make you~YOU!  How you open a door for any woman, even at your truck... a lost respect by most men.  How you got so excited with new "toys" (radios) and lights.  I'm so afraid of forgetting those small things with you.  I hold them so close to my heart, but still... as time goes on, your voice may fade in my mind.  I don't want that!  I really don't!  I am just grateful I still have pictures so I can never forget your smile or your eyes or how they showed how much you loved and cared for those around you.

I love you, Jarrett, and will forever keep you in my heart.  Take care of your family and know that you are loved.

YOUR 2010 4TH OF JULY GRAPHICS ~ MISSING YOU EACH & EVERY DAY...HOPE TO DO YOU PROUD BY KEEPING YOUR WEBSITE UP TO DATE...I'M STILL LEARNING ~ YOU'LL HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME...LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ~ ALWAYS, MAMA

7/6/2010...TODAY IS YOUR BROTHER'S 25TH BIRTHDAY.  YOU BOTH ARE THE SAME AGE FOR 18 DAYS & THEN YOU TURN THE NEXT AGE UP.  HOW WE WISH YOU WERE HERE TO DO THAT IN PERSON!

     AS OUR GIFT TO YOUR BROTHER, WE GAVE HIM A PAIR OF CHAINSAW PANTS.  SINCE HE CUT HIS LEG USING THE CHAINSAW THAT YOU BOUGHT YOUR DADDY ~ WHAT ENDED UP BEING YOUR LAST CHRISTMAS WITH US.  WE THOUGHT HE COULD USE 'EM...AND HE WILL!

     WE MISS YOU!

LOVE YOU MY JARRETT  ALWAYS, MAMA