For you, Jarrett! |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
7/24/2011...IT'S NOW BEEN 2YRS.,6MO.'S,3WKS. AND 4 DAYS SINCE YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL.
TODAY IS YOUR 27TH BIRTHDAY. FOR THE MOST PART PEOPLE USUALLY SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE TO CELEBRATE IT WITH ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?
WE'RE CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE. THE ROCK BEING THE WAY THINGS USE TO BE AND THE HARD PLACE IS THE HERE AND NOW AND HOW THINGS ARE WITHOUT YOU WITH US.
SPENT MOST OF THE WEEKEND IN TEARS. GETTING THINGS TOGETHER FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WE DECIDED TO HAVE YOUR 27TH BIRTHDAY BALLOON RELEASE AT THE LAKE HOUSE THIS YEAR. I THOUGHT THAT SINCE YOUR BIRTHDAY FELL ON A SUNDAY, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN OFF FROM BOTH YOUR JOBS AND WOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE LAKE RIDING YOUR SEA-DOO OR SWIMMING IN THE POOL.
EVERYONE WAS HAPPY AND GLAD THAT WE MADE THAT DECISION AND THEY ALL JOINED IN ON RELEASING THE BALLOONS FOR YOUR 3RD BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN.
I HOPE THAT YOUR BROTHER UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS IS ALL WE HAVE LEFT TO ''DO'' FOR YOU.
YOU'RE NO LONGER HERE TO HAVE A REAL BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. YOU'RE NOT HERE TO ENJOY ALL THE HOLIDAY GATHERINGS AND ALL THE FOOD THAT YOU SO LOVED TO EAT. YOU'RE NOT HERE TO ENJOY BEING WITH YOUR BROTHER AND HELPING HIM OUT OR JUST TALKING WITH HIM. YOU WEREN'T HERE TO SEE HIM BE HAPPY OVER THE BIRTH OF HIS LITTLE GIRL. (THE LATEST LITTLE-LITTLE).
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE THE CHANCE AT ALL THE THINGS THAT YOUR BROTHER IS GETTING TO DO AND I JUST HOPE HE UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS ONE TIME A YEAR BALLOON RELEASE IS ALL WE HAVE. IT'S HARD TO DO~MENTALLY...BECAUSE IT'S AS IF I'M SAYING GOODBYE. (TO WHICH I'VE NEVER DONE! NEVER WILL!)
MISS YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY!
LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
Missing you!! Always! |
7/10/2011
"I think of you"
I see rain, I think of you.
I see rainbows, I think of you.
I see flashing lights, I think of you.
I hear sirens, I think of you.
I see a fire, I think of you.
I look at pictures, I think of you.
I see you in my dreams, I think of you.
I look at Tyler, I think of you.
I look at a calendar, I think of you.
I visit your website, I think of you.
I see your smile, I'll never forget you!
I miss you Jarrett and I hope you're at peace. We sure do miss you down here and wish you could be here to enjoy everyone and everything like you always did.
Love,
Nicki
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
6/29/2011...IT'S NOW BEEN 2 YRS./6 MO'S SINCE YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL. THE DAYS JUST KEEP ADDING UP AND IT'S STILL HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'VE RAN YOUR LAST CALL.
I CAN'T GET MY MIND TO ''WRAP'' AROUND IT OR FIGURE IT OUT...WHY YOU? WHY AT 24 YRS. OLD?
I STILL CRY, STILL HAVE THE TEARS WHELL UP WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT A CERTAIN SUBJECT THAT INVOLVES YOU. I GUESS THAT'S NEVER GOING TO STOP.
YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON YOUR NIECE GROWING UP. SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE-LITTLE. SHE'S ALMOST 19 MO'S OLD. HOW TIME FLIES.
I GUESS IT'S NORMAL TO WONDER ABOUT A LOVED ONE IN HEAVEN...WHAT THEY DO AND HOW THEY SPEND THEIR TIME.
I STILL WORRY ~ AS A MOTHER SHOULD ~ ABOUT YOU. I ALSO WORRY THAT I'M GOING TO FORGET WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE OR THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.
I WORRY THAT IF I SHOULD DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT WITH MYSELF, WOULD YOU RECOGNIZE ME IF I SHOULD PASS AWAY ALL OF A SUDDEN...WOULD YOU BE ''THERE'' TO GREET ME?
THESE ARE JUST A FEW THOUGHTS THAT I THINK OF ON A DAILY BASIS. THERE'S A LOT MORE THAT KEEP RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND.
I'M TORN BETWEEN MISSING YOU AND LIVING TO ENJOY WHAT TIME I HAVE LEFT HERE WITH YOUR BROTHER AND HIS LITTLE GIRL. WE'VE GIVEN OURSELVES A GRANDPARENTS NAME AND WE STILL HAVE THE J-NAME AS WELL FOR TYLER AND GAGE.
IT'S JUST SO MENTALLY HARD AND ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER WOULD FULLY UNDERSTAND IT. WE SHOW ONE SIDE TO ''EVERYONE'' ELSE AND THEN WHEN WE GET HOME ~ WE HAVE OUR MOMENTS. THAT'S OUR BREAKDOWN TIME.
I JUST WISH THAT THE WHOLE ACCIDENT HADN'T HAVE HAPPENED. I KNOW THAT YOU LOVED WHAT YOU WERE DOING AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED IT ANY OTHER WAY. THOUGH I WOULD. WE'RE SUPPOSE TO GO BEFORE OUR CHILDREN!
MISS YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY ~
LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA
BECKY~J-MAMA |
~I AM~
WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE I THINK AND WONDER ABOUT ALL THE MOTHERS (AND FATHERS) WHO HAVE LOST A CHILD AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO KNOW AND SEE SO MANY BECAUSE NOW~I AM ONE OF THEM.
I SEE JUST HOW MANY YEARS THAT HAVE PASSED FOR OTHER PARENTS AND I CAN'T IMAGINE ME BEING IN THEIR SHOES. ALL-THE-WHILE~I AM.
I STILL CAN'T SEE MYSELF IN THE FUTURE YEARS AS A PARENT WHO HAS LOST A CHILD~YET KNOWING DEEP DOWN WITH EVERY DAY THAT PASSES~I AM.
THE THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND ON A DAILY BASIS MAKES ME WONDER JUST HOW I MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY.
WE ALL KEEP GOING FOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS AND YET WONDER HOW WE DO IT.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT SOMEWHERE OUT THERE SOMEONE IS THINKING OF YOUR LOVED ONE~I AM.
(6/26/2011)
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY LITTLE |
Angela Avery |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
6/8/2011...IT'S NOW BEEN 2YRS.,5MONTHS AND 1 WEEK SINCE YOU RAN YOUR LAST CALL.
HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A CO-WORKER AND BY THE TIME WE WERE FINISHED~WE BOTH WERE IN TEARS.
SHE HAS THAT "NEED" FOR INFORMATION ABOUT PAM AND HER FAMILY ON THE NIGHT OF THE TORNADO. COULD YOU ASK PAM TO COME AND VISIT HER~LET HER KNOW HOW EVERYONE IS DOING AND HOPEFULLY THAT WILL HELP CALM HER NERVES.
I TOLD HER THAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME. THAT THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN AND THEY WILL COME IN STAGES. EVEN THOUGH I'M SPEAKING FROM "LOSING A CHILD" AND SHE'S LOST AN "IN-LAW", IT MAY HELP IF SHE GOT A VISIT FROM PAM.
I EVEN TOLD HER ABOUT ME BEING MAD AT GOD AND BLAMING HIM. SHE FULLY UNDERSTOOD THAT AND SHE HAS EVEN ASKED: WHY. WHY THEM. DID THEY SUFFER? SHE HOPES NOT. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW THAT ANYONE SUFFERED.
I TOLD HER WHAT I KNEW FROM LISTENING TO THE SCANNER. SOME THINGS, I HADN'T TOLD OR TALKED ABOUT. I WAS ONLY GOING TO MENTION IT-IF THEY ASKED. THEY KNOW THAT WE STILL LISTEN TO THE SCANNER.
YOU BE SURE TO TELL 'EM HELLO AND TELL TODD TO COME VISIT HIS DAD TOO. BE SURE TO COME VISIT YOUR DADDY FOR FATHER'S DAY~HE'D LOVE TO SEE YOU AND HAVE YOU STRETCH YOUR ARMS OVER HIM AND HOLD HIS ARMS DOWN (SO HE DOESN'T PANIC) WHEN YOU GIVE HIM A HUG.
MISS YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY.
LOVE YOU MY JARRETT ALWAYS, MAMA
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
BECKY~J-MAMA |
Angela Avery |
BECKY LITTLE |